An Open Door Policy

How do you get to know your children’s friends…really know them? I talk about the importance of this in my book. I believe one of the ways is to have an open-door policy in your home. That, of course, comes with boundaries. Be at home when the friends are dropped off by parents, and as your children get older and friends arrive on their own, be home as well. Be welcoming to the friends, offer them food, and show an interest in them.

Continue about your business, with an awareness as to what is happening. A lot can be learned, not only about the friends, but about your children. Their conversations, their manners, the video games that they play, some of what is happening in their homes, how they treat your family pet, how they treat you, what they try and hide, and what they value.

I remember an incident when my son was in early middle school. A friend came to our home to spend time with my son. I didn’t have a good feeling about him. He was sneaky and a bully. I mentioned to my son that if they were in his bedroom that the door needed to remain open. For me, this was so I could hear what was going on. They immediately headed to my son’s room and closed the door. My son opened it, and I heard him tell his friend that the door needed to stay open. I was downstairs and could hear the ongoing conversation, as well as threats to my son and then the friend pinning him to the floor in a mean and controlling way. I let this go for a while to see how it would play out. The friend told my son that I was a bitch, and slammed the bedroom door. I proceeded to get a hammer from the garage, march upstairs, and take the door off of its hinges, placing it against the wall in the hallway. I reminded the friend that the door was to remain open. I said nothing more and walked back downstairs. The friend then called his mother to come and pick him up.

Another way to get to know your children’s friends…get to know their parents!