It doesn’t take much to compliment someone on something they have done. It doesn’t mean being dishonest either. There is always someone smarter, a better photographer, a better teacher, artist, someone with more money, more attractive, a better athlete, a more talented musician, a better writer, a better parent, someone younger, and the list goes on. There are always those that are naturals in various areas, but no one is good at everything, yet everyone has something to offer.
There is always something positive to say to a friend or acquaintance that is “genuine.” Maybe it’s the moon in their painting, the lyrics in their song, the way they capture a person’s expression in a photograph. Maybe it’s about their infectious smile, their care for others, or their sense of humor.
If we can keep in mind that when someone creates something or helps someone in a specific way, it is usually done out of that person’s passion and touches them on a personal level. If we can recognize this, maybe we can more easily give a positive, genuine word to them. As we know, one criticism outweighs many positives. The negative threatens our ego. It would be nice to have children learn this from a young age as a way of helping bring out the best in people. That one honest, positive comment to another person helps encourage them and helps take away the fear of rejection.
Both children and adults need and want praise. They want to feel special. Facebook is clearly an example of this. In today’s society it seems that everyone wants to be “somebody.” However, social media can often give us a false sense of how people are feeling and for what they are doing. As I have mentioned before, we must know the difference between praise and encouragement versus flattery.
For whatever reasons, I am reminded while writing this, about my work with Hospice so many years ago. During training, we were required to do the difficult task of writing two letters. One to the person we wanted to make amends with and one to a person we loved and had to say goodbye to. As the groups wrote their letters, boxes of kleenex were passed around as everyone cried and some literally sobbed.Within those two letters were words of gut wrenching emotion. Words of honesty, praise, love, and sorrow. The perspective on life changed. Perhaps that’s what it is. In making someone genuinely feel special through the honest words written in these letters, our egos couldn’t get in the way. A realization that whether you touch one person or many in a positive way, you have made a difference.
It is important for children to know that they make a positive difference in someone’s life through the healing power of words. They cultivate kindness. At the same time, children learn from a fairly young age that life is not fair. Often the best don’t win, but there is room for everyone. Everyone is “somebody.” Compliment someone in a genuine, meaningful way and bring out the best in them and in you.